Forgiveness

"We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies."
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"...and forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us..."
Jesus, Luke 11:4

There is pain - real pain - caused by close friends, relatives. Sometimes it's harder to forgive our friends than our enemies. We're human... we hurt each other all the time. Sometimes it's intentional, sometimes it's not. I think most of us know we should forgive, but sometimes we think we can't possibly forgive or we try to tell ourselves we've forgiven someone but we still shut them out of our lives or refuse to talk to them again....that's not forgiveness.

Even if you're not a Christian, forgiveness still applies to you. When we don't forgive, it's like a poison. It eats at us, steals our joy, and prevents us from getting close to people. See this article for a secular perspective on forgiveness which talks about how it affects our physical and mental health.

I see it all the time - even at church. I have friends who end up mad about something the other person did, then another says something mean, then the friendship is over. Neither can humble themselves to ask for forgiveness for their part of the hurt. Why do we create "levels" for our friends? Some people are in our inner circle and others are not. People who bother us, hurt us, annoy us... we shut them out. Why do we think we're in any position to punish someone for hurting us? Maybe we're not trying to punish them, maybe we're just trying to keep from getting hurt next time.

Be wary... that is not the life that God requires. This is one of those areas where we tend to make up our own rules rather than following His word. (Yancey Arrington, one of the pastors at my church, wrote about that here.) God's word doesn't say we should forgive but be cautious of the people we have forgiven lest we be hurt again! When He forgives us, He separates our sin as far as east is from west as if we had never sinned. He welcomes us back into the fold and does not turn His back on us no matter what we do or how often we do it. That's not a license to sin, but some take it as such. We are afraid that if we forgive people, they may take it as a license to continuously hurt us... but that should not prevent us from forgiving them. They may hurt us again and probably will. They are humans. But so are we. We will also make mistakes, have bad days, say things we shouldn't, think and do things we shouldn't. If we can't forgive, the Bible says we will not be forgiven. Woah... that's big.

Think about the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:21 - 35. A servant owed a king an enormous debt that he would not be able to pay even if he gave every penny he earned to the king for his entire life! Before being thrown in jail, the servant begged the king for mercy and the king graciously forgave his servant. His joy was short-lived because as soon as the servant walked into the streets with his newfound freedom, he went looking for a man who owed him a small amount of money and demanded payment. The poor man pleaded with the king's servant but the servant did not have mercy and threw him in jail. When the others around saw what had happened, they told the king. Infuriated, the king threw his servant in jail because he could not show a small amount of mercy when he had been shown mercy.

We would be wise to heed the warning in Matt 18:35 - "So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart."

Who do you need to forgive? Is it a friend? A relative? God? Are you questioning why God let something happen to you? Why he let someone die? Ask yourself:

1. Who am I holding a grudge against?
2. Why?
3. Let yourself for a minute imagine letting that go and forgiving them - what would that do to you? What would that do to them? How would it affect the others around you? Would it bring them closer to God?

After you do that, also ask yourself: who do you need forgiveness from? Maybe you need to seek their forgiveness. If you have already sought forgiveness and they have not given it, maybe it's time to ask again.


Further reading: When I was doing research for this post I came across a verse that is omitted in ESV, NLT, and NIV. The verse is Mark 11:26 and in the New American Standard Verison (NASB) it reads: "But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions." There is a footnote here that says that other ancient authorities inserted this verse. I took that to mean that this statement that God won't forgive us if we don't forgive others is not in the original text or the oldest manuscripts. I'm going to have to ask a Pastor about this because I had heard that verse before and wasn't aware that it's not in the oldest manuscripts. If and when I find out some answers about this topic, I will let you know! But if you know more about this than I do, please add it to the comments on this post!